Should Intended Parents Request Lifestyle Changes from Their Surrogate?

When beginning the surrogacy journey, intended parents naturally want the best possible outcome for their baby. They also hope to build a positive and trusting relationship with their surrogate. However, asking a surrogate to make lifestyle changes can be a delicate matter. Understanding boundaries and handling these discussions with care is essential to maintaining a healthy and respectful relationship.

Setting Expectations During the Matching Process

In the early stages of surrogacy, intended parents define their goals and preferences—identifying what truly matters most in choosing a surrogate.

In this context, requirements are non-negotiable conditions that must be met for a successful match, while preferences are desirable but flexible qualities. Clearly communicating these distinctions early on helps ensure that intended parents are matched with a surrogate whose values and lifestyle align with theirs. It’s also worth noting that very specific or restrictive expectations may extend the matching timeline or require more flexibility.

When a surrogate reviews an intended parent’s profile, she can consider any mentioned lifestyle preferences. If she doesn’t already meet certain requests but is open to making changes, these topics can be discussed before final agreements are made.

Reasonable Lifestyle Requests

The gestational carrier agreement outlines essential health and safety guidelines—such as avoiding alcohol and drugs, following medical advice, and adhering to any travel restrictions necessary for legal procedures.

Beyond these standard terms, some intended parents may wish to request additional lifestyle adjustments, such as:

• Following an organic or specific diet

• Avoiding certain cosmetic treatments (e.g., hair dye or chemical exposure)

• Limiting strenuous or high-impact exercise

• Using more natural cleaning products

• Incorporating prenatal yoga or meditation

  
  

If the surrogate agrees to these requests, intended parents should be prepared to cover any additional expenses that may result. Still, these discussions should always be approached with empathy, respect, and recognition of the surrogate’s autonomy.

Building Trust and Comfort

While intended parents may feel a natural desire to stay closely involved, surrogacy relies heavily on trust. Overly strict monitoring or enforcing unnecessary restrictions can cause stress and tension—potentially affecting both the relationship and the pregnancy.

Surrogates are carefully screened before being matched, ensuring they are responsible and deeply committed to the baby’s health. Maintaining open, respectful communication fosters a collaborative bond rather than one centered on control.

Requests After a Match Is Established

If intended parents wish to introduce significant lifestyle changes after a match has been made, it’s best to consult the surrogacy agency first. At this stage, new requests—especially those that could disrupt the surrogate’s routine—should be considered carefully.

Before making any post-match request, intended parents should reflect on:

• How difficult will the change be to implement?

• How long will the adjustment be needed?

• Will compensation be required to support the change?

• Could this cause unnecessary stress for the surrogate?

• Is the request essential, or can flexibility be offered?

Lifestyle Requests During Pregnancy

Once pregnancy has begun, major lifestyle changes that were not previously discussed or included in the contract are generally not recommended. Making new demands may leave the surrogate feeling micromanaged or undervalued, which can strain communication and trust. Unless there is a clear health or safety concern, it’s best to honor the terms agreed upon in the contract.

The Role of the Surrogacy Agency

A surrogacy agency serves as a neutral and supportive mediator, helping both parties set fair expectations and navigate sensitive topics. Whether lifestyle preferences arise before matching or during pregnancy, agency guidance ensures that all discussions remain balanced, respectful, and solution-oriented.

Building a Foundation of Trust

Ultimately, a successful surrogacy journey is built on mutual respect, honesty, and communication. By setting expectations early, approaching requests thoughtfully, and trusting the surrogate’s commitment, intended parents can create a nurturing and positive environment that benefits everyone—especially the baby.